Our news for February is the terrible news that Geoff's Dad has died. Les was diagnosed with terminal cancer (melanoma). His prospect for life was measured in days not months. 

We fly out of the UK on Tuesday 12th April, arriving in New Zealand midday Friday 15th April. Click here for details of the funeral.

The funeral is 11am Saturday 23rd April.
at Zion Hill Church, Onewa Road, Birkenhead, Auckland  click for a map

We depart NZ on 1st May (Geoff's birthday), returning to work on 4th May.
While we are traveling, we can be contacted by email on geoff@olympia.co.nz 
and should be contactable on the NZ cellphone (021) 057 8214

If you would like to read it, Les has written his life story, click here

(And back in Birmingham, Chris's Dad George is very unwell after a bad chemotherapy session & is now back in hospital part of the time and living with us part of the time).

So our worst nightmare has come true - that Geoff's parents in NZ are ill, whilst we are in the UK looking after Chris's Dad who is ill.

The biggest shock of my recent holiday in NZ was finding out that my Dad was dying.

I had been planning a February 2 week NZ trip for several months, to spend time with his Mum before her memory faded too much, and to coincide with the AGP ( "Annual General Picnic") of his University friends. The trip was kept a secret from most people, as to be a surprise to those who attended the picnic. 

A couple of weeks before arriving in NZ, Les had a heart attack, and in hospital was found to have masses in his bladder. His weight loss since Christmas was diagnosed that his adrenal gland was inflamed & bleeding. He was home from hospital by the time I arrived. We had a lovely family meal at Verran's Corner Cafe, and I felt like I could start to relax...

The following day (Sunday), Mum collapsed and was rushed to hospital. It wasn't a heart attack or stroke as feared, just heat exhaustion - having fallen asleep in a very hot conservatory. When she came round, she insisted that I go to the 'AGP'. She was discharged a few days later, with no problems found. Both Mum & Dad have aged much more than a year, since I saw them last February for Aidan & Racheal's wedding. 

A few days later, when I was visiting Hamilton, Les was taken back into hospital, as his health was rapidly going downhill, suffering dehydration and weakness from not being able to swallow food. Further investigations, including CAT scan of abdomen was done, a CAT scan guided biopsy of the adrenal gland was done, and a few days later, a CAT scan of his brain was done. I took him to see the doctor and they heard the news that all the tests showed the same thing - Melanoma tumours rapidly spreading through his body. Chemotherapy and radiotherapy are not an option in such a widespread cancer, and Les was sent home as there is nothing more they could do for him in hospital. As I drove away from the hospital that evening, the sunset was an incredibly powerful image of nature, as you can see. It felt like the heavens were talking to me.

As a family, we're determined to do whatever we can, so that they can stay in their home to the very end, no matter what the cost. So we've arranged to build a new hospital-style bathroom which will make it much easier to care for them. A massive working bee was held, to make the house & grounds look lovely for Mum & all the visitors. We are fulfilling his wishes in every way possible. 

I asked him is there was anything special that he would like for us to do in his memory. After thinking about it for a while, he said he would like to have a park bench sited at Anawhata, his favourite place in the whole world, which we will gladly arrange. He was able to go out there a few days later, and marked the spot where he would like it to go. The view from there is fantastic.

Dad then spent a lot of time with me, planning his funeral service, sorting out bank accounts, wills, etc. He has been a JP conducting weddings and funerals for many years, so he had very clear ideas of exactly how he wants the ceremony etc to be. Most of the details were already written down, all I had to do was type it up and talk with the funeral director and minister. That's a wonderful thing, as we know that we can honour his wishes, and not be in the quandary of wondering what to do; not knowing what he would have wanted, as so many families suffer. It is going to be a huge funeral service, hundreds of people are expected. He insisted that it be a Saturday, so that people wouldn't be inconvenienced by having to take time off work, and it give several days notice so that people could make travel arrangements (eg our coming from the UK). They had booked a trip to Bali, flying first class, but sadly they had to cancel. The photo on their funeral service handout is his favourite photo of their Bali holiday last year.

It has been an interesting & challenging experience for me. For a week or two I have been their principal carer, providing them with meals etc. It really is like life reverting to childhood when you lose hair, teeth and the ability to do things for yourself. He asked me to make him 'beef tea', which is a drink that his Mum used to make him when he was ill as a child (from bovine TB which affected him terribly). I found a recipe on the internet, from Mrs Beaton's  1867 cookbook. Apparently Florence Nightingale used to make it for patients in her ward. He's been calling me his tower of strength, which is really nice. It has been manically busy, I've been walking around with 3 phones in my hands, receiving dozens of visitors and phone calls, looking after them in any way I can. Set an alarm clock to remind me to check that they have taken their tablets. There have been moments of delight, when Mum has complimented me on my cooking skills, not realising that they were meals-on-wheels! Bless her. And moments of awkwardness dealing with caring for my parents for the first time in my life. Trying hard, but not succeeding, to get Dad to eat anything, not wanting to let him give up the fight for life. 

It feels odd but nice, staying in my old bed, in the old house, that Mum & Dad have lived in for fifty years. It was their 59th wedding anniversary while I was there, so we had a little celebration with all the immediate family. I will cherish the video that I made of that evening, and the video I made of the working bee to remove the old 4 1/2 ton printing press from his workshop. For my sanity, I rose early many mornings and went for walks along the foreshore, to the Chelsea sugar works, with the lovely lakes and bush that surrounds it.

I left NZ on Sunday 20th Feb and it looked like Les would live only a few more days (he died on April 14). But I had to return to the UK, to my life there. I had already extended my trip from 2 weeks to 4, but could not extend it further. Sister Wilma is now living in the family home, looking after Gwen & Les. My brother David has now returned from his business trip to Africa, and his wife Judy has returned from her trip to the Philippines. For a few days, we were all there, as a family - bantering away, laughing, enjoying our quality time together. We have some great photos and memories of that.

It was an awful prospect, having to say goodbye on that Sunday, knowing that I would never see him again. I knew that I wanted to talk to him about the past, about some tough times we've had, and to let him know that I loved him. Perhaps it was a blessing for me, that I had a deadline of departure, prompting me to say my goodbyes. So often, people leave it too late... So I woke early one morning, and say on the foreshore and wrote him a long letter. Later that day, when there was a quiet moment, I read the letter to him and the tears flowed, it was a powerful moment. I'm so glad I did it. He was profoundly grateful that I had done this, and it is a heavy weight off my heart that I was able to say some important things to him, and have closure. Now that I am back in the UK, I feel ok about being away, I feel that I have been of service to them, enhanced their life, and made preparations for them in their life & passing. I am now emotionally ready for him to die. Every day that he lives now is a bonus, and I'm talking with him on the phone most days, even though he can no longer talk back, but I know that he is listening, appreciating what I have to say.

Love,
Geoff